I’ve been silent for awhile.
On November 5th, I was laid off.
It’s a feeling I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy (or even the person who laid me off). Walking into work, feeling excited to wrap up a big project, only to be told to pack your things up immediately and leave before 9:30am, when the rest of the team was told to come in.
Now, almost 2 months later, I’m still looking for a job and still wrapping my head around everything that has happened.
People have told me to take this as an opportunity to reset, and to find out what it is that I’m looking for. I waved that flag for a little bit, and now I’m getting restless. I’m getting antsy.
I’m angry again.
The dirty truth about being laid off, is that it really effects every part of your life. Yes, while I was pulling 50 hour work weeks, you could probably hear me saying “ I just want a day where I do nothing.” I wake up in the mornings, attempt a half-assed workout and then park my butt on the couch, in front of the TV, and send out my resume like it’s going out of style.
I know it’s bad for me. My body hurts from not moving. I’ve put on weight because I just haven’t been moving.
But motivation is hard to come by… why? Because it’s tiring putting on your best face and interview suit day in and day out. It’s hard to get motivated when you can still hear your previous employer laying you off when it gets too quiet in the house. It’s exhausting being angry all the time.
And I’m sick of it.
Yesterday, I decided to do something about it.
I went to my first boxing class since being laid off. I was out of breath. The instructor joked that I had forgotten everything since it had been such a long time. I wasn’t hitting as hard as I once was able to. But I finished class, and today, I can’t move my arms because of how sore I am.
And for the first time in a long while, I felt good about myself.
So, I’m fighting back. I’m fighting back against the nay-sayers and the small voice inside my head that tells me I’m not good enough. I’m fighting to get off the couch and out of the house, even when I just want to say inside and do nothing. I’m fighting for my life and my happiness, and against those who say otherwise.
2016 will be my year, and it’s starting right now.